Social Savvy

Over the past few years, I’ve tried to figure out the key beliefs of those people I’ve met who have great social skills. And in this article, I wanted to share them with you.

One of the big things I learned about people who have social savvy is that they think very differently to those who don’t. In some cases it’s like they come from a different planet.

Now before we get started, I want to share one important idea with you. When I tell you about some of these ideas, you might disagree or feel unsure about how you can use them. My advice is to not worry about that, but just read through them and think about them. Maybe try to see how they might be true. If you can do that, you’ll be opening your mind to new possibilities.

Socially Savvy people give themselves permission to be popular

This is probably the idea that took me the longest to get a handle on. But the more you think about it, the more you can see it’s true. Anybody who has success in life has to first give him or herself permission to succeed. And it’s the exact same story in social situations.

In our society, we are raised to think that we must seek permission from others. First we seek it from parents, then teachers, then bosses and on and on. If we’re not aware of it, we can literally wait our whole lives just to get the permission we need to do what we want. Meanwhile all we had to do was give ourselves permission to succeed.

The truth is that other people don’t really care what you want, they only care about what they want. So if you’re waiting around for someone else to tell you it’s okay to start to having more social success, then you’re going to be waiting a long time!

I first learned this lesson from a good friend of mine. He wasn’t any more ‘gifted’ than I was in looks, personality or life experience. Yet he gave himself PERMISSION to be a socially successful person.

When I first used to watch him talk to new people, I used to get nervous at first because I thought it wasn’t ‘right’ to talk to people I didn’t know. I thought that it was rude to try to make conversation with strangers, and that they had to ‘give you the okay’ to talk to them first.

Of course, all I was really doing was denying myself permission to increase my social circle.

Do you ever do the same thing yourself? Do you wait for someone else to make eye contact with you, say something first, or ask you for something before you do?

If you do, then I challenge you to from now on to give yourself permission to meet new people, and make new friends. Give yourself permission to make the first move with people and see how often you can do it.

The next time you’re in a situation where you can meet someone, or make contact, then tell yourself ‘I am okay to do this’.

Socially savvy people actually see making friends as a fun challenge

Another big lesson I learned about socially savvy people is that they view the process of making friends as a fun and interesting challenge.

They don’t think of it as hard work, or embarrassing at all. They see it as a way to challenge themselves and expand their horizons. And because of this attitude, they tend to try to do it more often. And they keep trying to improve at it too.

Of course they still get nervous saying hello to people, but they know that this is the price to pay to get the friendships they want.

In your life, I’d wager that there are things that you are really good at already. If you think about these things, I’d bet that you view them as a challenge. You feel engaged whenever you’re involved in them. Time passes quickly and you feel energised after you’ve been involved in them.

For socially savvy people, this is the same feeling they get when meeting people. They’ve moved past thinking it’s boring or silly, or not important. They actually put effort into meeting people and connecting with others.

Socially savvy people are truly happy with their own lives

A lot of people who aren’t good with other people think that if they could only have more friends, then they’d be happy.

But the complete opposite is actually the truth.

If you make your life great and yourself happy and fulfilled FIRST, then you will begin to attract more interesting people around you. You’ll literally become like a social magnet, and people will want to spend time with you.

This is a really powerful lesson to get a handle on. If you can start to work on improving your own life and lifestyle first, it will really change your social life in a lot of ways.

Socially savvy people help other people make friends with each other

For the majority of people, they are so self conscious when meeting others that they don’t think about how anyone else might be feeling.

Socially Savvy people like to help other people have the same level of success they have. They spend a lot of their social time helping others to connect, as well as making new friends themselves.

By doing this, they are viewed as a leader in their social groups, and other people want to spend time with them.

Socially savvy people are 'generative'

This idea is a huge idea to get a handle on. Most of the people I know who have little or no social skills are not generative at all . They hold all their cards close their chest, they think only about themselves, and they don’t give to others in any way.

Socially savvy people are the complete opposite to this. They are willing and ready to share their lives with others. This includes sharing time, possessions, other friends.

It also means being a person who instigates things. Socially savvy people are the ones who invite everyone out, who throw parties, and get a special deal for everyone to get into the coolest new club for free.

In a word, they are generative. They are at cause in the world, rather than just being affected by the world. They are giving and creating new things for other people (and themselves) to enjoy.


Socially savvy people push the boundaries

This one might seem like a strange idea. But what I mean is that the people who have the most fun don’t just live in the same tiny box their whole life.

Socially savvy people are always looking for ways to have more fun, new experiences and meet new people.

They don’t wait for the world to give them something to do, they do something first and let the world (and other people) catch up.

Socially savvy people are also sometimes a little bit ‘cheeky’ and try to see how far they can go. They ask for special deals, they see if they can get more for themselves and their friends, and they always ask for everything they want.

Some people may see this as a little pushy, but remember that life is neutral. Nobody really cares if you succeed or fail, so if you want something, you’ve got to push for it. Socially savvy people know this and use it to their advantage.

It’s important here that you understand that I’m not saying you should become an arrogant or domineering person, but it is okay to ask for what you want and try to get better deal.

It’s also important to know that socially savvy people don’t always get what they want. Sometimes they get rejected, they have people turn them down, and they don’t get a better deal. But that doesn’t stop them trying again and again, and pushing their boundaries at every opportunity.

Socially savvy people share themselves with the world

Often people who are shy or who don’t have great social skills can tend to be very quiet. This isn’t a bad thing, however it can often cause other people to feel like they don’t really have much to go on.

One of the biggest challenges I had when I started getting better at socialising was actually talking about myself, my job, my life, etc.

I actually believed it was boring to talk about myself and that nobody would want to know about me. But the truth is that to have a conversation, you need both input and output. The person you are conversing with needs to know things about you to talk about too.

Socially savvy people are able to make the most of this, by ensuring they share themselves with other people. But they do this in a way where they share their best self with others.

It’s okay to share your thoughts and personal details with others, and it helps you to connect with others, so make sure you start doing this more in your everyday situations.

Socially savvy people don’t ‘lean’ on other people

While they do share themselves with the world, socially savvy also people know that it’s not good to ‘lean’ on people too much.

All of us have a level of energy in our personality, and when we dominate a conversation too much, we could be pushing our energy onto other people too much. It’s like we are leaning our physical weight on them.

We’ve all had the unfortunate experience of someone who is a total bore who keeps talking at us non-stop. It’s awkward and annoying and you find yourself trying to get away from them.

If you want to be more socially savvy, remember not to lean on other people. Be balanced and interesting in your conversations. Don’t be an emotional drain on others by dominating them or trying to suck the life out of them.

Socially Savvy people don’t seek the approval of others

As much as socially savvy people enjoy being around others and socialising, they don’t ‘need’ the company or approval of those they hang around. They actually are quite comfortable on their own, and enjoy a healthy balance of solitude at times too.

Further than this, socially savvy people don’t spend their whole time with others bragging or trying to impress other people. They don’t need the approval of others to feel good about who they are. Rather they focus on enjoying the moment together, having fun experiences and getting to know other people.

What do YOU think of this list? Is it what you expected to read? Well hopefully a few of these ideas are things you can agree or relate to, and maybe others are things you'd like to experiment with. Give them a try and comment below to let me know what results you gain.